Living into a new identity

I was just interrupted in my pursuit of homework, hoop-jumping, and lesson-planning by the loud whooping of young children in my front yard. I looked out and saw two young boys and a girl, all around 7ish years old, staring intently under the culvert next to my house, one with a hammer in hand...

These ducks live in that culvert, and likely have a nest nearby. Being fond of them, the hammer made me a little uneasy so I threw on a sweatshirt and walked outside. As I stepped outside, hammer-boy launched his missile toward "my" mallard. My body got a shot of adrenaline and my heart went up to my throat. Somewhere inside of me, Hulk raged to get out and tear those kids a new one, verbally or otherwise.

But I'm working to be a better me all the time. "Hulk" is a long ways in my past, but "asshole" is a little closer to the surface. But I credit my experience and knowledge teaching with what happened next.

"HEY." This was my manliest, firmest teacher voice. They all stopped dead in their tracks and stood at attention. They remained still as I covered the 100 feet between them and me, seriously but not threateningly keeping my eyes on them. I stopped about 10 feet short of them.

"Hey guys, those ducks live around here and they've got a nest that's going to have babies soon. If you kill those ducks with that hammer, those babies won't have any parents to take care of them." This was my quiet, focused, "you just fucked up bad, but I still love you" teacher voice.

Their expressions changed from Lord of the Flies to cute-and-cuddly, we-love-baby-animals.

"You guys don't want that do you?" "No!"

Now I'm smiling. Where do you guys live? What are you doing with that dead rabbit carcass (mmm hmmm)? Do you know what kinds of animals might want to eat that? Etc.

They waved goodbye and ran off to their house, heads, pride, and tears intact. They're just kids. They just needed a helping hand in the right direction. Yeah, I'm tootin' my own horn. I'm proud of myself. Because I. Was. Pissed. :)

Now, I'm sitting here wondering if a dad will come shoot me. Thanks, Brownback.

Homework. Hoops. Lesson plans. 21 days until I'm a Master of Education. On paper anyway.

Hacking away at thoughts

I'm 36. This fall I feel a little bit like the grown up. I've had kids for 13 years. Sorry kids.

At the same time, my greatest success as a teacher and parent has come from letting go of "being the grown up."

These ideas that ancient traditions discuss, there's reality there.

Pride born out of brokenness is one of the major problems in our world.

The only way to win a war is to kill all of your enemies. All of them. This is the biggest reason they shouldn't be fought.

In Star Trek, do people on earth all get along as a result of having formed an planetary identity as humans?

Holidays are hard for me. I'm starting to learn this. I don't understand how people are supposed to enjoy each other. This is a mountain I need to climb.

There are 14,000 ft peaks to conquer in the minds of our children. Depths to dive into in their hearts. Many, many children are lacking good love in their lives.

Life is sweet, in spite of the misery.

I do not understand affiliations. I do not understand allegiances to faith, race, culture, ethnicity, etc., etc...

I often hope that I'll know when it's my time to die. I hope that I'll be old. I hope that I'll have the opportunity to just walk into Yosemite and die in the arms of the earth. I hope my children will understand.

I should be doing homework and grading right now. I'm drinking a beer instead.

I've learned about 300 new names in the last 4 months. That's not an exaggeration.

I really do want to record an album.

He lost his mind today...

That title is from a Guns 'n' Roses song. I think it's "Dust and Bones" but I'm not sure. Everyone gasp in unison. I can't remember the band, title and release date, but hey, it's been a long couple of weeks.

Here's all I want to say. Maggie's cousin straightened her hair this weekend. It looked super cute, but, suddenly my rough and tumble nine year old wants her hair done in the morning.

This is not okay.

Thanks for empathizing.

Be well.

Learning how to parent on the run

Tonight was interesting. At 5:30 I had a dinner for all of the former Bethel College board members, followed at 7:30 by the annual corporation meeting to handle the business of the college and inevitably to process the termination of our president that took place in August.

And I forgot to get a sitter.

Megan's show opens tonight (probably intermission-ish time as I type) and it's been on the calendar for months, so this was all on me. Maggie had a sleepover, so one kid down. In the process of rushing home on my scooter to figure out what to do with Lennon, my cellphone got soaked in a downpour. Ease of access to information/people? Gone.

I had some options but either didn't have my shit together enough to act or didn't have the will impose on others' plans.

So what did we do?

I took a deep breath and I acted on a thought that occured to me during my interview for the Director of Admissions. I was asked how I would manage the number of hours required for the job. In answering that I already work pretty much 24/7, I described the way my work environment would embrace families, embrace kids, and make work possible for people with families.

Lennon often tells me that he wants to work at Bethel with me when he gets big (a sure-fire melter for this daddy), so tonight I put him in a button-up, pulled a sweater vest over his head, stuck my extra nametag on him and we went to work!

He did great! Perfect? Not by a stretch. Were some people annoyed? I suppose they probably were. But Lennon and I did the dance of negotiation, communicated verbally and nonverbally, laughed quietly while important things were happening, and made it through. I walk away from this experience extremely proud of keeping my cool, breathing deep and keeping communication open with my son instead of allowing myself to lose patience at key moments. I hope we'll be better for it.

The meetings? Anticlimactic. I'll take it.