I have a particular way I do most things. I get a little bit
of insight to something, then I think and fold and sift and knead and turn over
in my head, sometimes for extended periods of time. I've been engaged in this
organizing process with Buddhism for some time...and with religion for
far-longer.
I was brought up short a couple of years ago when a revered
Buddhist, Thich Nat Hanh, wrote in his book Living Buddha, Living Christ, “I
always encourage them to practice in a way that will help them go back to their
own tradition and get re-rooted. If they succeed at at becoming reintegrated,
they will be an important instrument in transforming and renewing their
tradition." Here I had been looking for an escape from Christianity, and
the revered teacher to whom I was looking for a path told me to go back. That's
what I've been sifting for awhile. I recently came to the conclusion that his
advice is good, but I'm not quite going to take it.
First, I feel quite well-rooted in my home tradition of
Christianity. (I'm not going to back up that argument in this space, but a
fireside chat and drink on the topic are always welcome.) Knowing what I know,
I'm very confident in saying that it doesn't work for me. It doesn't add up,
and I just see evidence neither for the verifiable existence of the God of
Abraham, nor certainly of the complicated treatise that was the mission of
Jesus Christ. I'm working very hard for my separation from Christianity to be
amicable, because I believe it would be wrong to show disrespect to Christian
believers.
Secondly, I see in Thich Nat Hanh's advice a call to
"know where you come from." In my mind, this means to always search
for the bias, for the conditioning and assumptions that exist in my mind and
heart based on my roots. This happens to be a type of reflection that I have
gotten very good at over the years while trying to make my way. This skill
has been particularly painful, useful, and honed during my almost two years now
as a teacher. I am deep in the process of trying to achieve mindfulness and
control over my ego and emotion.
The quote at the top took my breath away when I read it
today in the book Entering the Stream: An Introduction to the Buddha and
his Teachings. It's actually from the teachings of the Buddha, but was
quoted in the manuscript.
You have to do your own work. Those who have reached the
goal will only show the way.
This captures not only my life, but my philosophy on
"doing" life.
I feel there is something for me on this road of
exploration, in this new recipe that I'm learning. It just makes sense. I still
feel silly, though, saying it out loud.
