Mixed

Today I'm mixed. Mixed in thought, mixed in response, mixed in understanding.

Last night I volunteered for an overnight stay at the local homeless shelter. I suppose the hour-and-a-half of sleep is contributing to my mixed feelings, as well.

I come away from this experience feeling a whole lot of different things.

First, people are generous. Any number of people have given time, money, food goods, linens and countless other items to provide a place out of the elements for those who have no home.

Second, I'm thankful. I have a home. I have skills to barter in order to pay for a home. I've never been homeless. I talk overmuch about bad experiences I DID have--but we were never homeless. I know that my grandfather gets a lot of credit for helping out when times were bad, but it occurs to me that there are probably anonymous church folks hiding in the fabric of that story as well. I'm confident in this because I've been an adult long enough (not to mention in the business of philanthropy) that I can recognize the staggering number of acts of kindness that are carried out daily without any credit being requested. I'm just certain that kind people, people I speak to in the grocery store, stepped in to help my family when we were in need. Whatever my philosophical differences with them are today, I am thankful for their kindness.

Third, I know a con-artist when I see one. There was an apparent theft at the shelter and it stings to see people who have next to nothing also be robbed of their ability to trust others.

Fourth, I recognize that I am suspicious of people and their motives. I think I've always been this way. I think it must be a deep-seated insecurity of some kind.

I'm sure I'll have other thoughts, but my tired mind is having trouble tracking.

Be well.