For the first time I can remember, I truly questioned whether it was fair to my children to subject them to the cruelty of this world.
At dinner, Maggie asked why some of her friends go to a special ELP class (Extended Learning Program, if memory serves; Newton's gifted or accelerated program) but she doesn't. I couldn't even spit out an answer for the lump in my throat. I could see in her eyes that the knowledge of this separation has effected her own confidence; she recognizes that her school thinks her friends are smarter. What breaks my heart is that she will always have the memory of this time she was unfairly judged.
Here's the thing. She's smart. I know she's my daughter and I'm biased, but I know that she's smart. She just doesn't do the things that our schools are built to address. She's right-brained, our system is left-brained. She's empathetic, social, artistic, sensitive, attuned to beauty and emotion. She thrives in any social situation with people of all ages. As a human being, she's a genius. As a calculator, not so much. I'd choose Maggie just the way she is: every time.
But her friends are smart, too, and there's nothing wrong with the way they think. Lucky for them that they fit the prescribed requirements for "smart" in the system we have. But for Maggie's makeup, for her special talents, the schools have next to nothing.
So I told her exactly that. Schools are not built to help her with the things that she excels at. I told her that it's not her fault, that her friends are just smart in a different way, and that the way she thinks is important, too. Thank God for Megan who pursues her passion of theatre and allows Maggie opportunities to shine. I hope my words and Megan's example will help Maggie.
I'm reminded of the Don MacLean song, "Vincent," where he laments of Van Gogh, "...this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you." Indeed, Maggie, you are of greater stuff than this world; your spirit is of God, your compassion is otherworldly. You and the millions of people like you who will struggle to find your place in a world where relationships are second or third or tenth on the list of priorities, must bear in mind that when times are tough, when people need help, it will be your smile and your shoulder to cry on that will make all the difference.
"They would not listen, they're not listening still; perhaps they never will."
Thank you, Maggie, for coming to me.
She is so lucky to have you... so am I.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that our schools are hard on any kid that doesn't fall into the "average". They seem to excel at being mediocre in so many ways. I have a kid in the "smart" program and she struggles with the parts of life that Maggie is so great at. The schools fail her in helping her to learn to be more social, more connected. I guess that's where we as parents come in...
ReplyDeleteToby, have you seen this video? http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html
ReplyDeleteIt's worth viewing.
right. on.
ReplyDeletewe've had the same tears and questions.
i will remember your words.
If you complain loudly and often enough that your kid is bored then you can probably get her tested and in. Many kids who get in want to exit ELP before they get into high school, seeing even in middle school that it's not worth the time and that being "different" restricts friendship opportunities with the truly interesting kids (like Maggie). I like to practice heeding the parenting advice of Rabbi Schmuley: Value intellectual curiosity as opposed to grades, ask not what they want to do, but what they want to be. Children are all so beautiful. We teachers work really hard messing them up.
ReplyDeleteWe should talk. We started the testing process (upon teacher recommendation) and actually withdrew our consent....schools are not set up for the kinds of learners like Lydia and Maggie. We only can hope to encourage them to excel and not give up their desire to learn and create and question and challenge....and hope they get good teachers who will find other ways to challenge them.
ReplyDeleteELP in Newton is really quite an elitist thing.
You could always transfer to Northridge....because practically no one is gifted there!
Because of what public education lacks, we will be continuing to create our own industrial arts and invention school right here in our little barn. Angus endures school but when the bell rings at 3:00 p.m. he can come home and do the work he loves. We now have a blacksmithing forge which we are trying to set up. As a teacher and a teacher of teachers I am very comfortable with the idea of not letting schooling interfere with one's education.
ReplyDelete